Hard Lessons To Learn

As anyone who is a parent knows, it can be incredibly frustrating at times when you watch your child make the same mistakes over and over and over.  You can give them help and guidance each time, but it seems to never make any difference the next.  You all know what I'm talking about, right?

The funny thing is that I find myself doing the same thing with God all the time.  Only I'm the kid that just doesn't get it.  So what lesson have I had a hard time learning?  Prayer.

I wanted to share a couple examples where Jamie and I prayed and what the response was.  The first situation happened more than a month ago when Norah was having a bad night.  It was one of the epic meltdowns that happen from time to time.  Around 30 mins into the tirade, both Jamie and I were worn out.  At that point, I left Norah in her room and I went up to join Jamie in our bedroom.  I looked at her and just said, "We need to pray.  For her, for us, for this whole situation."  We prayed for about 10 mins asking that God would intervene and meet us as parents and Norah as well.  Within seconds of when we said "Amen" Norah walked into our room.  She was completely calm and began asking us questions in an appropriate tone.  She was still sad, but her demeanor was completely changed.

A second similar situation happened about two weeks after the one I just described.  Again, Norah was having a bad day and got completely out of control.  Again, Jamie and I prayed.  We prayed for God to release the anger in Norah's heart.  We prayed for our patience.  We prayed that God would help us figure out a way to get through to Norah.  Again, within a minute or two of us finishing our prayer I went downstairs.  I went into her room and she again was calm and was cleaning up all of her toys and her bed.

I by know means what to give off the impression that God is like a big vending machine and that as soon as you put in your prayers he fixes/answers your prayers.  I'm well aware that sometimes our will does not align with God's and therefore our prayers are not answered.  But my takeaway is that prayer absolutely works!  The way I see it is that Norah would have eventually calmed down in both situations.  If we had not prayed then life would have gone on as normal.  But we did pray, and we saw immediate behavioral change.  The difference is that now Jamie and I turn and give God praise for his love and mercy.

It certainly has been a wake up call for me.  I so easily get choked out with "life" that I never take time to pray.  I rarely stop what I'm doing so I can take a few minutes to pray for my family, or to praise God for the gifts he has bestowed, or anything else for that matter.  I can say that over the past week I have made a much more concerted effort to pray and it has been one of the most fulfilling weeks, spiritually, that I have had in a long, long time.


"16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."   - 1 Thessalonians 5

Earning Our Stripes

I promised a post this week about our other child, the big one, so here it is.  But the problem... where to begin?  

As most of you reading this know, Norah has always been a lot of work.  She is off the charts whenever we do the self assessment "Do You Have a Strong-willed Child" tests.  And because of that, Jamie and I find ourselves physically and emotionally exhausted at the end of almost every day.  I have had a lot of friends tell me over the years that "all kids misbehave" and "all kids act up."  I do believe that.  But I also know, without a doubt, that the frequency and intensity of Norah's flare-ups are well beyond what most people have to deal with on a regular basis.

In no way do I want to come off in this post as a bitter "whoa is me" parent.  Not at all.  Our problems pale in comparison to what many people around the world deal with on a daily basis.  I know personally many family dealing with things far more difficult and painful that us.  Our difficulty with Norah, however, has given us a unique perspective on a lot of things, like: a) parenting is not a right, but a privilege, b) God chose us to be the parents of this amazing girl, c) we cannot raise this child without the help and support of family, friends, and most importantly God.

Next week Jamie and I will be meeting with a therapist to talk through some of the issues we have been dealing with at home.  Norah is an amazing kid on so many levels.  She is so smart and advanced in just about everything that you can easily forget that she is only 5 years old.  We dealt with a lot of her anger issues when she was 2 and 3 years old, but then she was doing pretty well for a long time.  Over the past 2 months of so the anger has come back.  As her parents, we desperately want to help her, that's why we are seeking out help.  We need some tools that we can use and tools that we can give her to help her cope.  Right now she has no self-control and no ability to manage herself.  Just this past week she has gone into epic meltdown three times.  Each time she gets sent to her room where she overturns her beds, rips all the sheets off, and throws anything she can get her hands on across her room.  It is my prayer that at some point in the future I can post back how situations like that don't happen anymore, but that even though she gets angry and upset, she has figured out ways to channel it in a productive manner.

We do have good days too, they are not all bad.  And it is probably the fact that the bad days are so bad that it makes the good days that much better.  On a good day Norah listens well, helps with chores and activities around the house, and is a second mom to Ethan.  She loves: swimming, tennis, riding bike, gymnastics, playing games with mom and dad, and running.  In fact, she won all 6 events that she participated in at the Rochester All-Comers Track Meet.

It is a journey.  Right now it seems like we are experiencing lots of road blocks and car trouble.  But ultimately, don't those make the road trip better in the end?  We certainly believe so and pray that with God's help we can look back on these days and say "those were the good old days."

I believe I can fly!!!

Sylvan Lake with cousin Ellie

First day of racing

Second day of racing

Camping with brother

at Como Zoo

showing off the new kicks

With grandpa and the cousins

Still Here

So its been way too long since I've last blogged about how things have been going.  Like everyone else who has young kids in the house, life gets busy and before you know it, not just months, but YEARS have vanished!  The last thing I want is to see Norah or Ethan heading off to their first year of college and realizing I don't remember half the good (and bad) things that happened.  So consider this my attempt to get back into regularly blogging about what goes on in our mundane lives.

Since up to this point, most of blog has centered around Norah, I want to take time to talk about Ethan.  This little guy has been an absolute blessing to us in so many ways.  So many times we flippantly use phrases like "gifts from God" or "mercies from Heaven," but I assure you that when we use those phrases to describe our son it is because they are appropriate and no other description would do.

Please don't misunderstand when I say that Norah was an extremely difficult toddler.  We love her to death, and many days, it felt like we might die.  I honestly believe that God in His infinite knowledge, and infinite mercy, knew we would not do well if we had another child with the same temperament.  So he blessed us with Ethan.  In just about every way he is different from his sister.  Sure, they have different skin color, but that's literally just scratching the surface.  Ethan sleeps through the night, Norah never did until she was almost three.  Ethan never took a pacifier, Norah... had one until she was three.  Ethan takes one nap a day, Norah took two at his age.  Ethan is completely content playing by himself, Norah at that age always had to be entertained.  Ethan can be left alone in a room,  but if you did that with Norah something would end up damaged or destroyed.

The really amazing thing to see is that even though they are so different, they are so much alike.  Mainly because Ethan just absolutely adores his big sister.  He mimics everything!  That is why I think he talks so well as (an adjusted age) 2 year old.  He hears and sees his sister talking and he does everything she does.  It is so fun as a parent to see them playing together and loving on each other.  He is such a tender soul, he is always giving Norah hugs and kisses, and luckily for us, to mom and dad as well.  And he loves his grandparents.  Its so fun to see him love on them too.  He loves his "Memaw" (Grandma Arlander) and "Gamma" (Grandma Miller), but its even better hearing him call out their names and give them hugs and kisses.

Now that he is walking and talking, we are entering a new fun stage in life.  We still need to watch him when we do most things, but now that he can communicate with us, life is getting much easier.  For example, this past weekend as I was packing the camper I was constantly coming in and out of the house.  Ethan just wanted to be a part of it, so he kept following me in and out.  At first I was getting frustrated because it was slowing me down.  But as I stood there holding the door for him each time he'd walk in say "Thank you Daddy!"  Seriously, how can you be opposed to that?

I will try and make another update here shortly and focus on Norah.  But in the meantime, here are some pictures of the little guy.

 These screws aren't going to screw themselves

 Loving on the baby goat

 Hey, lets get this train moving!

 He wants to be like Norah

 How do you know if you've had a good day camping?  Well, you'll look like this obviously.

mmmmmmm

His favorite doggy

I'm thirsty, lets get some milk